By no means am I particularly traditional. When Mr. Lace and I asked our Moms about any traditions they wanted us to have at the wedding, they didn’t have anything they needed or wanted to do. We asked to make sure. Tea ceremony? No. Change into a different dress? No. Chinese banquet? No. We thought we’d covered all our bases. We even mentioned to them we were thinking of having our bridesmaids wear black dresses and use black tablecloths at the reception. Nothing was said.
There was a bit of grumbling when we passed out our invitations in their black envelopes. You see, in Chinese culture, black and white mean death. So, when you get married you want to pick a prosperous, lucky color… like red. While red is a lovely color, it’s SO not us. However, within our parents generation, only a couple of people said something about it to my mom, but dismissed it saying that we are really Americanized so it’s not a huge deal.
However, little did I know that I’d get backlash from my Grandparents on Poppa Lace’s side, who I hardly see and am not very close too! They were so upset at the black invitation that they didn’t even open it initially. When they finally did, they called Momma Lace to complain about what kind of daughter they’d raised. My Mom tried to defend me, but my Grandparents were NOT having it. I think, at the end of that conversation, they were okay, but still asking, “Why in the WORLD would you pick BLACK of all colors?”
So, when Momma Lace relayed this conversation to me, I experienced a rush of emotions.
First, I felt bad that my mom had to endure a belittling conversation with my Grandma. I felt horrible that she had to bear the brunt of it.
I then felt mad. We are family, but we’re not close at all and the last time I saw them was at my cousin’s wedding. Although my Grandfather is over 90 years old, he didn’t initially recognize me when I saw him two years ago. Someone had to say to him, “that’s Poppa Lace’s daughter.” So, where do you get off rantin’ and ravin’ about black envelopes? You obviously don’t know me well enough to know that I’m totally Westernized and not superstitious.
Last, I felt stressed out. Our bridesmaids’ dresses are black. Our tablecloths are black. I was planning on using more black in our paper goods at the wedding. Would I have to scrap everything and start over?
I’ve only talked to my family, Mr. Lace, and now, the hive about this. I feel like I shouldn’t change my plans because two people are unhappy about it. At the same time, I don’t want there to be a blowout at the wedding because of a black envelope. I am considering calling or writing a letter, but there’s a communication barrier between my Grandparents and I. I am considering resending an invitation with a RED envelope even though it doesn’t match.
Any advice on what to do? Have you had an unexpected cultural issue arise during wedding planning?
This article was originally posted onWeddingbee.
